Just Kidding! Bosnia and Herzegovina Will Not Compete!

Because life is a hard and cruel game, Bosnia and Herzegovina announced its withdrawal from next year's Eurovision Song Contest. This will be the third year that Bosnia will not compete in the Contest, siting financial reasons.

The following nations have confirmed their participation in the 2015 Contest: Albania, Armenia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Belgium, Cyprus, Denmark, Estonia, France, Finland, FYR Macedonia, Georgia, Germany, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Malta, Moldova, Montenegro, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, San Marino, Serbia, Slovenia, Spain, Switzerland, Sweden, The Netherlands, and The United Kingdom.

Greece will be allowed to compete as soon as its membership to the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) is approved. Bulgaria is still making a decision in regards to its participation.

And sadly, Eurovision-favorite, Ukraine, was forced to withdraw due to ongoing political turmoil in the region.

Last week, FYR Macedonia held the very first Eurovision national selection of this year, Skopje Fest. Daniel Kajmakoski and his song, "Lisja esenski," were chosen to represent Macedonia next May.

Eurovision Royalty: Helena Paparizou

An interesting thing might happen later this year. A former Eurovision winner is trying to return to the competition. But this time, she's aiming to represent a different country.

From the Vault: Silvía Night

In 2006, Silvía Night was sent to the ESC to represent Iceland. She sang a song proclaiming she was the best candidate to ever participate in Eurovision and, additionally, "God's favorite person in the world." In the song, she declared that she was the winner, and congratulated Europe for making the right choice and voting for her, thereby "saving the world."

This upset some people.

A Celebration of Sluts

Sluts are a proud tradition at Eurovision. Girls with high heels, tiny dresses, and big hair are a staple of the performances. Guys stand in front of wind machines until their shirts are literally ripped open, exposing toned, shiny abs underneath.

I love sluts. Sluts rock. The following are some of my favorite Eurovision sluts.

A Brief History

Here is how I explain Eurovision:

It's like American Idol, except every European country is allowed to send one song. And they participate in a week-long contest that happens once a year. There's no judging segment, and every country gets to call in a vote for a song. And you can't vote for your own country. And the votes are tallied live. And you know ABBA, right? They won in the '70s.

But what I don't often mention is that Eurovision has been around for almost 60 years. It was started in 1956, as a way of reuniting war-torn Europe after WWII. The European Broadcasting Union (EBU) still runs Eurovision, and any country who is a member of the EBU can participate. This is why nations like Israel and Azerbaijan, which are not technically in the continent of Europe, can compete. 

Since Eurovision was created to bring peace, songs that are controversial or political are usually not accepted. That is why a lot of Eurovision songs are pop ballads about love, having fun, and being silly with your friends. It's traditionally light fare. In 2007, an Israeli band called Teapacks was almost disqualified because some thought their song, "Push The Button," was about nuclear war. 

Every year, more people around the world watch Eurovision than The Superbowl or the Academy Awards. Which is why it's so crazy that most Americans have never heard of the contest.

I first learned about Eurovision in college, when a friend who studied abroad in London came home with his own obsession. He said to me, "You need to see this," sat me down in front a TV, and popped in a DVD copy of the 2006 contest (which was held in Athens, Greece; a Finnish monster rock band called Lordi won that year). And that was it for me, I was addicted.

The reason I love Eurovision is because it's full of DRAMA and SPECTACLE. Some entries are genuine, soulful ballads, and some are just fluffy pop music. And sometimes, Scandinavian men wear head-to-toe monster costumes and play a song about being saviors of rock 'n' roll. To me, Eurovision is just the most fun thing in the world.

The Question on Everyone's Minds

Who is going to win Eurovision 2013?

The contest ends today. I don't pay attention to betting odds (yes, there are betting odds for Eurovision) mostly because I don't understand how they work (and I'm too lazy to Google it). So my picks for the winner are based completely on my own knowledge of what the average Eurovision audience member is looking for.

1. SPECTACLE! Is it exciting to watch? Is the song dynamic? Does it have a key change about 3/4 of the way through? Is the performer compelling in some way? Where is the DRAMA?
2. Is the song universal? Can everyone in Europe relate to it? Are the lyrics in English? Because that usually helps.
3. Does the song celebrate the country's individual culture and heritage? But not like, in an annoying way. Don't be ostentatious. Universal. Greece, I'm looking at you. Refer to point #2.
4. Every few years, it seems that a certain region of Europe holds popularity. It was very fashionable to vote for Eastern Europe around ten years ago. Then the Scandinavians broke that streak, and Finland, Norway, and Sweden have all won in the past six years. Are Europeans still interested in what Scandinavia has to offer? Or will voting patterns shift? The one tried and true rule is that no one ever votes for the UK. Sorry, Bonnie Tyler. I think you're great.

So, with that being said, here is who I think will win.