The Question on Everyone's Minds

Who is going to win Eurovision 2013?

The contest ends today. I don't pay attention to betting odds (yes, there are betting odds for Eurovision) mostly because I don't understand how they work (and I'm too lazy to Google it). So my picks for the winner are based completely on my own knowledge of what the average Eurovision audience member is looking for.

1. SPECTACLE! Is it exciting to watch? Is the song dynamic? Does it have a key change about 3/4 of the way through? Is the performer compelling in some way? Where is the DRAMA?
2. Is the song universal? Can everyone in Europe relate to it? Are the lyrics in English? Because that usually helps.
3. Does the song celebrate the country's individual culture and heritage? But not like, in an annoying way. Don't be ostentatious. Universal. Greece, I'm looking at you. Refer to point #2.
4. Every few years, it seems that a certain region of Europe holds popularity. It was very fashionable to vote for Eastern Europe around ten years ago. Then the Scandinavians broke that streak, and Finland, Norway, and Sweden have all won in the past six years. Are Europeans still interested in what Scandinavia has to offer? Or will voting patterns shift? The one tried and true rule is that no one ever votes for the UK. Sorry, Bonnie Tyler. I think you're great.

So, with that being said, here is who I think will win.

Margaret Berger from Norway. DAMN SHE IS FIERCE. She was born in the snow. And I love anyone who looks like sexy robot version of Kirsten the American Girl Doll. It's pure pop music, but there is something edgy and new about it. Will the fact that she's from Norway count against her?

So maybe it's Emmelie de Forest from Denmark? She is saccharine enough to have universal appeal, but maybe the song is too boring? I was in full support of Emmelie early on, but now I'm not sure.

OR COULD IT BE CEZAR FROM ROMANIA?

No, probably not. I wish. But I will say it right now, and you all will look at me like I'm insane. Cezar will do better in the finals than you think.

It will probably be Margaret Berger, which means yet another year that I can't afford to go to Eurovision because Norway is just the most expensive country in the whole world. Good for you, you beautiful blonde people.