The Wild Cards

There's a lot of talk about Austria's Conchita Wurst. She was chosen as the representative very early in the Eurovision process (back in September of last year), which is usually a good sign. Of course, the first thing people notice about Conchita is her out-of-the-ordinary look: a beautiful drag queen with a full beard. But what's really exciting is the realization that she can actually sing. Reports from rehearsals say that Conchita is killing it in the vocal department. 

Could Conchita Wurst actually be victorious at Eurovision this year? It's unlikely, but never forget that a bunch of Finnish men in monster costumes won in 2006 with record-breaking votes. So weirder things have happened.

After taking a two-year hiatus from Eurovision, Poland is BACK. Poland has never won Eurovision, and for the past decade, they have rarely made it out of the semi-finals. But producer Donaton and singer Cleo seem to make a good team. Their song, "My Slowanie" (translation: "We Are Slavic") has been getting a lot of buzz. Partly, because it is a fun song and such a great return for Poland, and partly, because the gratuitous music video is full of hot, sweaty boobs. The Metro called this "the rudest Eurovision entry ever," but it doesn't bother me. I'm loving Cleo's look, and of course, the clapping. More clapping in songs!

Two other unique entries are France and Belarus. It's unlikely that Twin Twin will win the competition for France on Saturday, but "Moustache" could become the song of the summer. Teo from Belarus will likely share a similar fate: his song, "Cheesecake," is fun and kind of ridiculous. He won't win, but his future as a Belorussian Robin Thicke looks promising.

Austria, Poland, and Belarus will perform in the second semi-final, taking place tomorrow night (2pm Central Time for my American friends). Let's hope they all get passed on to the final! Watch here. 

Eurovision Royalty: Carola

Carola Häggkvist is a Swedish singer and performer. She competed at Eurovision three times: in 1983, finishing third; in 1991, winning the contest; and in 2006, finishing fifth. To this day, Carola is a superstar in Sweden.

A Brief History

Here is how I explain Eurovision:

It's like American Idol, except every European country is allowed to send one song. And they participate in a week-long contest that happens once a year. There's no judging segment, and every country gets to call in a vote for a song. And you can't vote for your own country. And the votes are tallied live. And you know ABBA, right? They won in the '70s.

But what I don't often mention is that Eurovision has been around for almost 60 years. It was started in 1956, as a way of reuniting war-torn Europe after WWII. The European Broadcasting Union (EBU) still runs Eurovision, and any country who is a member of the EBU can participate. This is why nations like Israel and Azerbaijan, which are not technically in the continent of Europe, can compete. 

Since Eurovision was created to bring peace, songs that are controversial or political are usually not accepted. That is why a lot of Eurovision songs are pop ballads about love, having fun, and being silly with your friends. It's traditionally light fare. In 2007, an Israeli band called Teapacks was almost disqualified because some thought their song, "Push The Button," was about nuclear war. 

Every year, more people around the world watch Eurovision than The Superbowl or the Academy Awards. Which is why it's so crazy that most Americans have never heard of the contest.

I first learned about Eurovision in college, when a friend who studied abroad in London came home with his own obsession. He said to me, "You need to see this," sat me down in front a TV, and popped in a DVD copy of the 2006 contest (which was held in Athens, Greece; a Finnish monster rock band called Lordi won that year). And that was it for me, I was addicted.

The reason I love Eurovision is because it's full of DRAMA and SPECTACLE. Some entries are genuine, soulful ballads, and some are just fluffy pop music. And sometimes, Scandinavian men wear head-to-toe monster costumes and play a song about being saviors of rock 'n' roll. To me, Eurovision is just the most fun thing in the world.

The Question on Everyone's Minds

Who is going to win Eurovision 2013?

The contest ends today. I don't pay attention to betting odds (yes, there are betting odds for Eurovision) mostly because I don't understand how they work (and I'm too lazy to Google it). So my picks for the winner are based completely on my own knowledge of what the average Eurovision audience member is looking for.

1. SPECTACLE! Is it exciting to watch? Is the song dynamic? Does it have a key change about 3/4 of the way through? Is the performer compelling in some way? Where is the DRAMA?
2. Is the song universal? Can everyone in Europe relate to it? Are the lyrics in English? Because that usually helps.
3. Does the song celebrate the country's individual culture and heritage? But not like, in an annoying way. Don't be ostentatious. Universal. Greece, I'm looking at you. Refer to point #2.
4. Every few years, it seems that a certain region of Europe holds popularity. It was very fashionable to vote for Eastern Europe around ten years ago. Then the Scandinavians broke that streak, and Finland, Norway, and Sweden have all won in the past six years. Are Europeans still interested in what Scandinavia has to offer? Or will voting patterns shift? The one tried and true rule is that no one ever votes for the UK. Sorry, Bonnie Tyler. I think you're great.

So, with that being said, here is who I think will win.