Friday, June 14, 2013

A Celebration of Sluts

Sluts are a proud tradition at Eurovision. Girls with high heels, tiny dresses, and big hair are a staple of the performances. Guys stand in front of wind machines until their shirts are literally ripped open, exposing toned, shiny abs underneath.

I love sluts. Sluts rock. The following are some of my favorite Eurovision sluts.



Greece, 2004

This is Sakis Rouvas. Look at his tiny shirt! His ripped jeans! He is having the time of his life! This was Sakis' first attempt at Eurovision gold. He represented Greece again in 2009. Sakis is a big, slutty deal in Greece. Besides being a pop star, he is also an actor, athlete, business mogul, and notorious ladies' man (sure).

Ukraine, 2009

Svetlana Loboda's "Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)" is about the lengths we will go for love and how it makes us all crazy (BOM). It's pure Eurovision cheese, but this was my favorite entry in 2009. The Ukrainians just know how to do it: put a hot girl in a hot dress and make her sing a hot song.

FYR Macedonia, 2006

When Elena Risteska represented FYR Macedonia in 2006, she did it in cut-off jeans shorts and a red corset top. She finished in twelfth place at the finals, which is the country's best ever placement, but I firmly believe "Ninanajna" would have done better if Elena had classed up her ensemble a little bit. It's a catchy song! Had she chosen a cute cocktail dress, she would have placed in the top ten.

Bosnia and Herzegovina, 2004

YESSSSSSS! Deen (née Fuad Backovic) represented Bosnia and Herzegovina in 2004 with this dance hit, "In the Disco." Terry Wogan, longtime Eurovision correspondant for the Brits, called this song "underwear music." And he's right. Deen is a man who knows what he wants, and what he wants typically takes place in the men's bathroom. Allegedly! This was the first time Bosnia and Herzegovina sent a song with English lyrics to the competition, and it placed ninth in the final.

Russia, 2007

This is Serebro. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves:
Gotta tease you, nasty guy,
So take it, don't be shy,
Put your cherry on my cake,
And taste my cherry pie. 

They came in third place.

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