Chicago winters are cold, long, and bleak. I imagine they are a lot like Swedish winters, except Swedish snow never turns into a black fusion of cigarette butts, PBR cans, and what we hope is dog poop. Melodifestivalen starts up exactly at the time in the season that many of us are contemplating taking a trip to California and never coming back. It gives us hope. It gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Spring is coming.
Last Saturday, which was the Andra Chansen round of Melodifestivalen, it was the first day of the year that temperatures were above freezing. The sun was out, clumps of dirty snow were melting, and every Chicagoan was outside, soaking up the much-needed Vitamin D we have been without for months. Except for five of us. We were inside, eyes glued to the television, watching a program that is entirely in a language none of us speak. That is dedication. Or obsession. I'm not sure which.
So it is with great pleasure that I present the opinions of my friends, a group of Eurovision Superfans, on who should win Melodifestivalen this Saturday, and have the great honor of representing Sweden in Eurovision this year.
Anna File
Jon Henrik Fjällgren, Finalist
Amongst our pocket of Eurovision aficionados, I've gained a reputation for preferring last place performers, and that precedent still holds in this most recent Melodifestivalen competition. The thing that I feel like we've all lost sight of is the PAGEANTRY of it all. Sure, you could root for Måns cause he's hot, Hasse cause he's old, or Mariette cause hair, but where is the fun in that? Instead, the focus should be on the fantasy world created by gay pirate tenors ("One By One"), pyrotechnic "dumb dumb dumbs" ("Bring Out The Fire"), and Moroccan atelier dungeon masters and their league of enthusiastic dancers (my personal fav- "Don't Say No").
The one actual contender that I'll put my support behind is an international adoption success story, Jon Henrik Fjällgren. I really respond to his Party City ghost back-up floaters and his outfit/curiously appealing hotness. As a Colombian child whisked away to a life of reindeer herding, who was then propelled to fame with the blessing of the King of Sweden himself, I think that Jon really deserve to take it all the way.
As an aside, I'd like to say that I think it's patently criminal that Eric Saade is allowed to compete again after already having his chance at Eurovision glitter and gold. "Manboy" (which does, admittedly, represent one of the best examples of Halloween crossover pop this generation has ever seen) is amazing, "Popular" was great, and yeah, okay, I do love "Sting," but COME ON. He had his chance. Pack it up, Eric.
Sean Serluco
Molly Pettersson Hammar, Eliminated First Week
Does Molly have the strongest stage presence? No. Is Molly the most attractive performer? No. Does she pull off the mullet dress? No. Can she scream like no other at the end of a song? YES. Molly Pettersson Hammar gave the people of Sweden a high-energy, catchy song that was unfortunately overlooked because she was the first performer of the competition. Her song, "I'll Be Fine," was number one on Swedish iTunes, ahead of her competitors' songs that qualified for Andra Chansen or the Grand Finale. Although there was an abundance of other high-energy acts with infinitely more modulations, I believe Molly has the charms of a 19-year-old underdog that can lead Sweden to victory. #BringBackMolly
John Latchaw
Eric Saade, Finalist
Hallå, hallå, hallå! This is Philadelphia calling.
As someone whose iPhone autocorrects "SWEDEN" to all caps, let me tell you that the Melfest final is literally the ultimate in entertainment, rivaling even the Grand Final of Eurovision. This has to be one of the strongest finals I've seen in years- and can I just say, THANK YOU SWEDEN for not voting any pesky rock songs through. Even Linus Svenning has gone pop. And though I will give "Groupie" a big round of applause, I can't see SWEDEN voting it on to Vienna.
With that said, it's down to three major players for me: Eric, Måns, and Mariette. All three are fantastic songs by great performers, each with unique staging. While I think Måns could do very well at Eurovision, I have to throw my weight behind Eric. With the somewhat snoozefest of ballads lined up for Vienna, we need a song like "Sting" to get us all excited for the competition. Also, Eric is real hot, and I'm into that. So there you have it:
8 points: Mariette
10 points: Måns
12 points: Eric
(And 7 points to "Groupie.")
Ali Carney
Jon Henrik Fjällgren, Finalist
I must start by saying that I am a Eurovision "expert" the same way that Sandra Lee is a pastry chef. If you don't understand that reference, then you need to watch this. So I am writing this entry, not because I am an expert, but because I am a fan of insane Eurovision music and a huge fan of this website.
Okay, so who is going to win Melodifestivalen this year? Well, boys and girls, I am going to go out on a limb with this one, and I am going to say that Eskimo Ghosts will win both Melodifestivalen, AS WELL AS EUROVISION. Is the title really "Eskimo Ghosts?" No. It is "Jag är fri," by Jon Henrik Fjällgren. Is the nickname "Eskimo Ghosts" completely insensitive, undermining, and possibly racist? Perhaps.
But Eurovision isn't about titles and delicate social intricacies. Last year's Eurovision final included a busty Polish woman churning butter onstage, Ukrainians on a hamster wheel in the midst of a real life territory annexation, as well as a bearded drag queen singing a James Bond theme. And one of those acts WON (probably not who you would have guessed). Eskimo Ghosts fits in here perfectly because it has a great story, and it is sung by a hot person. Fjällgren is actually Colombian, but was adopted by a family of Sami descendants at a very young age. The Sami are the indigenous people of Scandinavia (basically their version of Eskimos), and this song is a traditional Sami style of folk song called Joik (kind of like yodeling). There are no main lyrics, but "Jag är fri" means "I am free" in Swedish. Now, I am usually a huge proponent of English language songs because it's the closet thing that Europe (and, arguably, the world) has to a universal language. But let's be honest, not everyone has a firm grasp on the best and most complicated language in the world (no, I do not want to call you Manboy). So, why not sing a song in a non-language, with crazy staging to go along with it? Just watch this amazing-ness, while I break down what makes it great:
1. A (real) lit campfire onstage
2. Sloppy traditional dancing in the mist
3. A hot guy wearing leather (required)
4. Yodeling
5. Hot women hanging from the rafters with ghost costumes from Party City
6. Awkward facial expressions (required)
7. Onstage hipster drummer, partially hidden by brambles
8. Arm choreography from the titular Eskimo Ghosts
9. Snow
10. Spoken word section (in a language that no one will understand (Editor's Note: I think this is Swedish?))
11. Vague positivity
12. Key change (required)
13. Singer with a decent voice
14. Dramatic lighting
Will Eskimo Ghosts really win? Probably not. It got stuck with a terrible running order, and Sweden is very interested in sending pop perfection. They will probably send Eric Saade, but it will be a mistake.
Alex Goldberg
Magnus Carlsson, Finalist
On the next tier, I've got a few of the bookies' favorites to win. Those include the HOTTEST Måns Zelmerlöw with his impressive animations to "Heroes," and of "Manboy"/"Popular" fame- Eric Saade. Eric's song "Sting" is great, it's a fun, sexy time, but haven't we seen it all before? Well, yeah.
On that same tier is Dinah Nah with "Make Me (La La La)." This is just a straight-up gay dance party, complete with a disorienting (in a good way) camera shake that makes you feel like you're off your face in a gay club in Stockholm. I'll have what Dinah Nah is having.
On the third tier, for me, personally, is Isa with "Don't Stop." This is FUN! Really fun. But a liiiiiiittttle too Taylor Swift-y for this T-Swift H8er. We've also got Mariette who is giving you a little Loreen 2.0 with a dash of Suus from Eurovision 2012. These are NOT bad things. Do your thing, Mariette. (I do worry that she will be forgotten in the shuffle at the final.)
My second to bottom tier: Samir & Viktor with "Groupie." This is a song about Group Selfies. Yep. They invented a word for that. You know what? This is SO stupid, and I kind of love it. Boyband JTR are in this tier too. They are just pretty #basic, and again, we've seen it all before. "Eskimo Ghosts," a.k.a. Jon Henrik Fjällgren, is also on this level, as this really does nothing for me. No catchy melody, silly staging, BUT a cute guy. That's a Hot Eskimo. I would. That's the only reason he made this tier.
BOTTOM TIER, THESE ARE ALL CRAP: Jessica Andersson, with "Can't Hurt Me Now." #DullBallad Linus Svenning and Hasse Andersson are also at the bottom of this heap with an Emmelie de Forest rip-off and Swedish "Dansband" song, respectively. (Sidenote: Dansband is the country/western-ish cousin of schlager music and is very popular. But just doesn't do it for me.)
Bottom line: A VERY STRONG final line-up! I cannot wait for the show. The Swedish public mostly voted very well, as there were some absolute stinkers that they correctly let die in the semi-finals. I do hope in 2016 we see a more entertaining "show," in and around the entries (Sanna was a weak host, in my opinion), AND the return of eight songs per heat!
Sharif Shawki
The Women Dressed as Mannequins from Midnight Boy, Eliminated Fourth Week
Sweden was graced with incredible acts this year: from the Yohio wannabes, Dolly Style, to the eternal beauty of Magnus Carlsson. But for those of us experts, we know who truly should have won: the fake mannequins from Midnight Boy's "Don't Say No" performance!!!
These mannequins started out by giving us Medusa Victim Realness and blended in perfectly with the real mannequins onstage. They were so stiff they must have channeling Britney Spears' "Gimme More" VMA performance. Just when you thought they would be content with not moving, THEY STRUCK. The mannequins strutted to the front and tutted harder than Nefertiti going down the Nile in her royal barge. These superstars were so good, they pulled all the attention away from the very heterosexual back-up dancers rubbing mud on their bodies.Astute viewers should keep an eye out for these champions of Melodifestivalen in the final on Saturday. Who knows, they could sneak their way onstage, strike a pose, and perform when the people inevitably demand it. Long live the mannequins!
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